Really? What the hell? I’m seriously crying because I can’t order a stupid shampoo sample. I can’t figure out how to change my address so the sample is now going to my old place and it’s got me truly upset. I know it’s not just the sample. It’s just something little that’s happened that’s tipped me over the edge. I feel so stupid, though. At the same time, I feel angry and sad because we’re very very tight on money so I was trying to get a free sample to help us out a little.
It’s been too long since I’ve blogged. I’ve just been busy with work and just too stressed and depressed to even blog. It’s all just so much effort. I’ve also been a little more busy than usual this week because I had 2 job interviews and I hope something comes of them, but I’ve already had 3 interviews this year that came to rejection and disappointment. One of the jobs I interviewed for this week is something I’d really love to do, but I would only get about 10 hours a week. That’s not nearly enough to pay the bills. The other job is full-time, but it’s in sales so there’s a 99% chance I’ll hate it. I just don’t enjoy sales. I find it soul-draining. I’ll probably get turned down for them both anyway.
Thankfully my husband has quit smoking. I started sleeping on the couch and even ordered my own duvet. He says he thought I didn’t love him anymore. I was just incredibly hurt. He stopped when I caught him (he’d been trying to keep me from seeing it) and it sent me over the edge. I started getting dressed to leave the house. I had no clue where I was going to go, but I had to leave for a while. That’s when he said he didn’t ever want to cause me to walk out on him and he promised he would never smoke again. He gave me his cigarettes and I broke them and threw them away. So we’re sleeping in the same bed again which is nice. I’d missed him. He’s still stressed out, but we’re both trying to find other outlets for our stress. I’m very glad to fully have my husband, my rock, back.
This entry is a bit scattered, I know, but that’s how my mind is working at the moment. Scattered and fragile. Mostly dark with a few light parts every now and then. When will I feel like I’m not broken anymore? When will I stop crying over shampoo samples? When will I have hope again?